Sunday, March 6, 2011

What a weekend. We have done nothing, but geez, its not been fun. Very early on Saturday I woke up with a massive headache. I took something for it and managed to fall back asleep.When it was time to get up, I still had it. It was awful. It didn't go away until late afternoon. On top of that, Ethan only napped once that day. He napped in the morning and then refused to nap in the afternoon. The afternoon nap is the one he really really needs. So 90% of the evening he was crying because he was so tired. It was a nightmare. Today again, we aren't doing anything. Ethan was up very very early.
I'm not really sure what to do about Ethan. He still needs some sort of nap in the mornings. But he needs that afternoon one much much more. So I pushed his morning nap back a bit, and then limited it to only 1 hour. It is almost 2 now. I put him down 30 minutes ago and he is still awake. I'm really at a loss. If he doesn't sleep this afternoon, he will cry the entire evening. These last 4 days, have been horrible trying to get him to sleep in the afternoon. I don't know if he can make it all the way through the morning with out a nap. But other than forcing that nap out, I don't know what to do. I really wish I could express how bad the evenings are here when he doesn't sleep. I don't know how to put it in words. Hell. Its hell. It takes a lot out of a person. I am becoming an exhausted and frazzled mom. When one of your kids spends most of his day fussing, whining, crying, it doesn't take much to break you down. Maybe he is only this way with me. I don't know! If I am doing something wrong, I don't know what it is. Is there any sleep experts out there? Hello?
While there are a few moments when I get sad that my kids are growing up, I really canNOT wait until Ethan gets older. Like Dylan's age. He has been so difficult since he was born. I think once we get to the point when we can start having conversations, and he can understand me and communicate better to me, that things will improve. I feel bad saying that, but its true. I don't like wishing time away, but frustration has taken over. Exhaustion has taken over, and sadness has taken over. A constant struggle here at home affects all areas of my life. He needs to grow up fast. For my sanity. Even saying all of that makes me feel guilty. So guilty. I love him with all my heart, and I thank God everyday for him and Dylan. Its just difficult right now.
I kind of sound ungrateful for what I have don't I. I feel like a bad person and a bad mom for saying all of this or for not being able to handle it better. I love my boys. They make me smile I could not imagine my life without them. I am grateful for them. So please don't misunderstand this post. I'm just having a rough patch.
So what else. Dinners these last couple of nights have been blah. Hamburgers and onion rings one night. My hamburgers have been better, so I will go back to my old spice mix when I make them. Last night I made 2 recipes from The Pioneer Woman cookbook. One was breakfast potatoes. Very good. I did not take pictures. Oh well. They are basically chopped taters, and chopped onion together. Yum! Then I made what she calls "Marlboro Man Sandwich." I was a little leery about making it because it is made from cube steaks. Sliced. Now I normally don't care for that cut of meat. I don't know why, but ick. Well, I was right. I won't make the sandwich again. Its just he meat. Dylan liked it though! Tonight I am not cooking. I don't know what we are doing yet, but I'm not cooking anything. Probably going out, or one of us will run to town and get take out.
Well thanks for listening to me whine!

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