This is post number 200! Woohoo! Too bad I don't have anything exciting to say.

A few weeks ago, I had to take a couple of duplicate gifts back to the store from Christmas for Dylan. So he went with me and we got him another engine for his "Thomas the Train" stuff. In the package the engine came in was a paper that listed all their things for 2010. For some reason Dylan latched on to one of the portable play sets on the paper. He talked about it a lot and carried that paper around with him all the time. Ryan and I decided to let him have money from his stash that people have given him for gifts, so that he could buy it. Well after all the crappy weather, I took him to Toys R Us yesterday so he could buy it. Dylan never, ever asks for anything. He just never has, so this one time was no big deal. We also don't just buy him stuff for the hell of it. If he gets anything its for birthday or Christmas. So he and I went down to Toys R Us. When he got out of the car, he said "this is going to be fun!" I was proud of him. They had 3 isles of Thomas the Train toys, and he never once asked for anything else. I let him play with the train table they had set up, while I looked for the toy we came for. When I found it, he was happy and ready to go. He handed the cashier the money and took the bag. It was a nice experience for him and me.

After Ethan's party it kind of all set in that he is one, and that's it. I still have a hard time seeing him as a one year old. For some reason, I see him as a 9 month old. I have been stuck in that mind set for a while now. I think part of it is denial. Denial that my last kid is speeding right along to his teen years (maybe that's exaggerated a bit). I have talked about this a couple of times now, but I think about it a lot. Saturday night I was a bit emotional about it all. Having the party just sealed the deal, that he is growing up. I'm so confused! I hate that my baby is growing up. But I am so glad my baby isn't a baby anymore! I am excited for him to walk and talk. I hated the sleepless nights, but loved holding such a sweet little thing in my arms. And the baby smell...I miss that. And I (most of the time) enjoy rocking him to sleep. I still do that. I know that it may be a pain for other people when they watch him, and deep down inside, I know that I need to quit doing that, but part of me can't seem to let that go. Same goes for the bottles. I had Dylan off the bottle by a year old. I was thrilled! With Ethan, he still takes bottles, I try with the cup, but its not going well. He just chews on them. But part of me does NOT care that he still takes a bottle. Again, I know that he needs to move on to sippy cups and I am trying, honestly. I do know what needs to be done, and what he should be doing. But I guess I am fine with rocking him and fine with the bottles. I am the one who is with him 95% of the time. I promise he won't be 3 years old, drinking from bottles and needing to be rocked to go to sleep. I am allowed to have this now. When he is done, that's all, no more. I know that we could have more kids, but I cant do it. 2 kids are enough for me. These 2 can be a handful and can stress me out enough. That is partly why I want to hold on to what is left of the baby in Ethan. I have started selling some baby stuff, mainly for my benefit. If that stuff is gone, its helping me to stay smart. Helping me to stick to what I know. 2 kids are perfect. 2 kids are enough. I'm ready to move on, really I am. But a little at a time...