Thursday, December 30, 2010

It feels like a big step for me. I am officially getting rid of the baby stuff. I posted ads on Craigslist. Today someone came and picked up the swing. No more babies for us. I hope that in the next week or so, I can get rid of all of it. I'm ready to move on to the toddler and school age part of mommy-hood. I don't have it in me to have any more kids. We are a family of four and it works...for me.
Its almost January. And on January 16th, my brother leaves. He will be headed to Afghanistan for a year. He is supposed to be able to come home for 2 weeks in the middle of his deployment, but that could change. I don't know what I should say or do, I don't know if there are things that I shouldn't say or do. I don't want to make things harder for him, but at the same time, I don't want him to think I don't care. Mom will be a wreck. She will constantly be worrying about him. How could she not. Its what mothers do. I will do what I can to be here for her. I can't imagine what could be going through his head as he prepares to leave for such a scary place. He will never tell anyone if he is scared. He isn't like that. I am scared for him. How could I not be? All I can do is offer any support to him, give him a hug and an "I love you" as he leaves. Then, pray. For his safety, and for the safety of the ones he is with. I don't want him to know how worried I am or how helpless I feel. I guess part of me feels like I should be doing more. I just don't know what else there is to do. If I were in his shoes, I would be scared, but I wouldn't let anyone know. Maybe that's what he is doing. He isn't sure of the types of communication he will have access to. I hope something is available to him, and I hope it is easy for him to do. Being able to talk to people from home would help me. Maybe that's not true for everyone. I don't know. Like I said, I kind of feel like there is something I could do. But there probably isn't. Is there?

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