Sunday, July 12, 2009

First things first. I am so tired and frustrated with being sick every single day. The frustration of all of this is really getting to me. 24/7 it feels like I am going to puke. I can barely function most days. I am just so tired of this. I just feel like sitting down and crying my eyes out. Its stressful.

Ok, now on the other things. Nothing new around here at all. Like I said I can barely function so nothing is happening.
I was having a conversation with mom the other day about the sex of the baby. I am 13 weeks along now, so I could be anywhere from 4-8 weeks away from finding out if it is a boy or a girl. I got out the name book we have and was going over my list of boy and girl names. I have a decent list for each. A couple of favorites for each as well. Now Ryan on the other hand only has a list of girl names so far. That seems to be the only thing on his mind. Girl names. He really would like to have a girl, so honestly, I don't think he has put much thought into boy names. I told him he needs to! I feel like this will be a boy as well. With Dylan I had no feeling one way or the other. I don't know why I feel like this will be a boy, I just do. Ryan says I will jinx it and make it a boy if I keep referring to the baby as 'he' or 'him'.
So which would I like to have this time around? No clue. If we were to have another boy, great, we already have all the clothes we need, we wont have to buy anything other than diapers and wipes. If we were to have a girl this time around, then great. It will be a new experience all around. But, just one thing. I am scared to raise a girl. Boys seem to have things easier growing up. School life especially seems easier for boys. Girls are cruel to one another. Clothes, social status, cliques, and looks in general just seem to be more important to girls growing up than boys. Boys seem to make friends easier. I'm not a girly girl, never was. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to be a girly mom. I don't fix hair, I probably couldn't braid to save my life, and I hate pink. I know nothing about fashion. I buy my clothes as cheap as possible and plain. I'm afraid I wouldn't dress her well enough, fix her hair right, or do the things she needs to make enough friends. There just seem to be so many scary things or situations that come along with trying to properly raise a girl, and I doubt myself a lot in that area. Yet even with all of those fears, I would still like to try. So I guess there are pros and cons to either one, and I am so glad that WE aren't the ones who decide boy or girl. I am so glad that it is out of our hands. I could never make that decision myself.
Soon we will know one way or another (hopefully). We havent really talked about it, but I imagine we will do things the same this time around. Tell everyone the sex of the little one, but keep the name quiet until he or she is born.

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