Quick update. I nursed Ethan for the last time (hopefully) yesterday around noon. He finally took a bottle that afternoon. He took 3 bottles yesterday and so far 2 today. Yesterday evening he was a different baby. He took an hour nap in the evening which for him in absolutely unheard of. It was wonderful, and made for a fairly pleasant evening. Overall he just seemed more content. I think he was able to get enough to eat finally. Right now it is still breast milk in the bottle. I will slowly introduce the formula. I probably only have a months worth of frozen breast milk. I have tried pumping, but haven't been able to get much. So I will probably only pump for my comfort and slowly dry up. I am not turning back now, and will only feed him through the bottle. I still have guilt over no longer nursing him, but I just can't do it anymore. It hurts and I was miserable, and I really think he wasn't as happy as he should have been.
Dylan went with Ryan again yesterday. He loved it, and it allowed me to focus on getting Ethan to take a bottle. Ryan said Dylan didn't want to come home. He loves being with his dad like that.
Ryan is going to try to start running the wheat today. Hopefully it all goes smoothly and he can get it done in a couple of days.

No progress on the bottle front.
Dylan had a good day at school. He only protested a little bit when I went to get him, so that was a welcomed change. The weather is finally cooler. It is absolutely wonderful. We didn't do anything over the weekend.
So I go to the grocery store every Monday morning while Dylan is in school. Its easier to just deal with one kid at the store rather than 2. Anyway, I go at the same time, every Monday, so the same people are always working, always say hi and all that. Well there is this one girl who bags the groceries every morning. She can't be that far out of high school. She looks pretty young. Almost every Monday she makes comments about Ethan still wearing those mittens that keep newborns from scratching their faces. Yes when in his seat, I still put those on Ethan so he doesn't rub his face off, or scratch at his neck. But she always make those comments, and to be honest I find it extremely annoying. So this Monday, I bought some more breast pads to go in my bra to keep my bra dry from leaks. Well that prompted her to make a comment on breastfeeding. She asked how old Ethan was, so I told her. Then she goes on to say "Oh, so you have a long way to go before you can stop breastfeeding then don't you?" At that point I must have shot her a look that said "excuse me?" She kind of took a step back and said "well that's what I hear, you have to breastfeed them for a year don't you?" I said no you don't have to breastfeed at all. Its just a personal preference. She then goes on to say "well it must work because my sister did it for a year and her daughter is a lot smarter than my nephew." Really then, I didn't know what to say. Thankfully she was done bagging my groceries so I was free to leave. I just said, well each kid is different. This girl has no kids, I do know that for a fact. And here she is preaching to a stranger on something she has never experienced for herself. It annoyed me quite a bit. But I'm not one for confrontation, so I didn't go on and say much more. I don't know why but it kind of struck a nerve. I guess I don't think its right to go preaching to someone about what they do with their kids. Especially on something as sensitive as breastfeeding or formula feeding. Like I said though, this chick has annoyed me before, so that's probably why it got to me.
So yeah thats all from me.

Still no bottle. I am out of ideas. I can only keep trying. It is very frustrating for me right now. I took him to Ryan's parent this morning, because they were home. I thought maybe a different environment, and people he doesn't see everyday would help. They both tried, with no success. So this morning nursed him when we got up, just before 7, then at some point he took a nap. As soon as he woke up we left. He didn't take that bottle. So by the time we got back here and I nursed him he had gone 5.5 hours without eating. He is so stubborn! The bottle is just like his pacifier. I don't know why he stopped taking a bottle.
We went outside for a little while this evening. Still very hot. Even though Dylan loves the outside, I think it was too hot for him. He didn't last long before he was ready to come back in. The sweat was dripping down his face. So we came back in and I got both boys bathed. Ethan wants to be asleep right now, but no matter what I do he won't stay asleep for more than 10 minutes. Evenings are hard. He always fusses and ends up in a meltdown. Last nights consisted of him crying for near 45 mins. Nothing I did worked. He just eventually quit. It was rough on me. Its only a matter of time before he starts tonight's meltdown. Really it never fails. Anyway, just wanted to post a bottle update. No luck!

My posts have been rather negative lately. Sorry about that. Sometimes its all there is to talk about though! Ethan apparently doesn't want to take a bottle now. I have tried everything I know of to get him to take one. I have searched the internet for advice as well. The only thing left for me to try is to get another bottle type. I am planning on getting a bottle with a nipple just like his pacifier. I'm hoping that will work. Knowing how this stubborn little boy operates, it wouldn't surprise me if that didn't work either. Tomorrow I should be able to go out and get what I want. We'll see.
Not much else going on really. No new teeth yet with Ethan. Nothing planned for the weekend. I am probably still going to be working on getting Ethan to accept a bottle, so I don't really plan on going anywhere. If I want to stop nursing, he has to take one. So that is my priority for the time being. Ryan is off this weekend, as of now, thankfully.
Hmmm. Still negative isn't it!?

I have had a headache for over 12 hours now. It just will not go away. It greatly reduces my patience. I am so thankful today that Ryan took Dylan with him. This doesn't happen very often, but a lot of the times, its just not possible. I am so glad that today is a day that he could. Dylan was beyond thrilled to be going with his daddy.
Ethan in these last few days, has been beyond grumpy. I think he may be working on more teeth. I haven't seen signs of more poking through, but that doesn't mean he isn't in pain. I give him tylenol off and on, and when he has a dose, it seems to help for a short while. In a month or so he will be old enough for ibuprofen. That stuff works ten times better than tylenol.
I am starting to really dislike breastfeeding. I feel unbelievably guilty for feeling this way. Ethan is not easy to feed though. He tugs, jerks, pinches, is off and on, wiggles, and squirms. No matter how hungry he is, he is doing something that makes it unpleasant. He goes through phases where he really really hurts me. I get a very intense burning pain during and after. I dread nursing him. It feels so wrong to even say that, but that's what I feel. The guilt from feeling that way eats away at me. I feel wrong for saying this but, if formula weren't so expensive, I think I would switch. I keep telling myself, that I can stop in January once he turns a year old. That's my goal at least. But its hard. January is a while away. I would just pump and feed him through a bottle, but I can't get anything from the breast pump. I'm afraid that if I tried to switch from nursing, to pumping, that my supply would not be maintained, and I would have to buy formula. I just don't respond well to the breast pump. I feel so guilty for wanting to stop nursing. I'm not saying that I am going to stop, just that I would like to. The pain, the frustration gets to me after a while. I love him so much, I just want whats best for him.

Weekend was ok I guess. Boys were cranky overall. We went out to lunch on sunday. Dylan was hyper, but he ate well. He ate all of his food and half on Ryan's food. I took enough stuff to feed Ethan out of a bottle, and he refused the bottle, so I left the restaurant to feed him in the car. I missed most of the meal and conversation. Even after he nursed, he was still very unhappy. It could've gone better. Stressed me out a lot. Everyone enjoyed themselves. I wish I could've done the same.
Dylan had a good day at school today. He didn't fight me too much when it was time to leave. I did have to carry him out though.
Tried to give Ethan some more rice cereal today. No luck. So far he doesn't like it. I will keep trying. Today was only the second day of trying. If he doesn't like it then no big deal, I will just move on to something else. Dylan didn't care for it either. Once we moved on to the other foods, he was happy. Hopefully Ethan will do the same.
I am tired today. Ethan was up at 6. He gets to nap though. Mommy doesn't.

Hmmm where to start. Yesterday mom had Dylan. She had kept him overnight, so I went back to pick him up. On our way home, we ran to town to try to find a swing. I have been wanting an infant swing to add to Dylan's play set so that while we are out there I can put Ethan in it. But I am having no luck. I certainly don't want to buy one online and pay all of the shipping costs. So we headed home after a wasted detour. My brother called and wanted to stop out and see the boys. He stayed for a while and was able to spend time with both of them. Dylan started getting tired, and was acting horribly, so I put him down for his nap. Ethan also took a decent nap for once. He and I had got up for the day at around 7:30 and he only had a 10 minute nap in the car. When he went down for his nap it was almost 1pm. Poor kid was tired. He napped for almost 3 hours. In Ethan's world, that is unheard of. But it was nice.

So the evening hits and everyone is awake. I had Ethan in his bouncy chair and was going to go get Dylan up from his nap. I handed Ethan a toy to play with and started to leave. Well, he started shrieking. I went back to him to see what was wrong, and noticed at that point that he had his front bottom 2 teeth pop through!!! I really had no idea anything was close to coming through. He hasn't had any white spots on his gums, and of course, he has always been a drooler, so I was surprised to see these teeth. Maybe that's what he was doing for almost 3 hours during his nap! He is growing so fast! He is 5 months old today as well!

Then at some point yesterday evening, Dylan pooped in the potty, 2 times. Very little each time, but I was happy that he recognized that he had to go and actually did it. When he was done, he remembered from a long time ago, that I had bought that small car to give him once he pooped in the potty. So he asked for it, and I went ahead and gave it to him. Now, he still pooped in his diaper overnight. But really at night I don't think he can control it. As long as he is relaxed and comfortable, I think it just happens. While I am not going to get my hopes up too high, it would be nice if him actually pooping in the potty last night was a turning point. I hope I can get him to do it again today. If he does it during his nap though, I know I won't be able to get him to do it in the potty.

So that was our day yesterday. I'm feeling that I left something out, but I am drawing a blank. Oh well.

Here are a couple of pictures of the boys. The first one is Dylan at 5 1/2 months, and the second is Ethan at 5 months. Ethan was wearing one of Dylan's old onsie, so I thought I would take a picture of him in it too.